Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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