I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
