she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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