my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
two words: eviction party
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
