She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
