Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it's like iHOP with fire
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
