suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
