the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
