Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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