I didn't shave. On purpose
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
