You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It's Friday. Sex?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
