The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
