does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
