Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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