I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
