My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
