Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
