my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
