if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Randomize
