We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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