so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
