im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
