Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
