feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
