i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
