My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
