Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
