I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What drink are we having for lunch?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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