If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
