put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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