I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
