dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
