The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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