I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
