Where did you get a picture of my penis
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
