4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
