Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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