Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
