Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
