Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
