Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
