Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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