is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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