I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
