He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
