SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
