it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
