but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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