Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
