i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
two words: eviction party
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
