the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
