We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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