Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
