So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
