I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
